


Sunrise

by textonym



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, Intrusive Thoughts, Lots of dialogue, Motherhood, Nightmares, Other, PTSD, Postpartum Depression, Self Harm, Sequel, like really these two, obscene heterosexuality, rich ppl doing things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 22:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18904330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/textonym/pseuds/textonym
Summary: Angelica's life, part II. Picks up immediately after "A New Hope."





	Sunrise

At home, Angelica squealed when she saw her kids sitting on the couch with her sister. She ran up to Philip and hugged him before he could even realize it was her.

“Mommy?” Philp asked.

 

“My baby!!” Angelica sniffled. “I missed you so much, Phil. I’ll never ever go away again, I promise. Were you a good boy? Did you take care of your sister? Did you eat your dinner every night? Is your room clean? I missed you so much, baby. I’m never going anywhere again, I promise.”

 

Philip, obviously overwhelmed being three years old, just started to cry. “Mommy!! Where you goed?”

 

“I had to go somewhere to get something very important. I’m sorry it took so long to come back.” she kissed him on the cheek and hugged him tightly again. 

 

“Why don’t you two sit down and talk?” John said, carrying Angelica’s suitcase. “Catie, do you want to talk to mummy?”

 

Catharine looked very confused. She didn’t know who this person was. She was just a little over a year old, so she’d forgotten all about Angelica when she was gone, just as she’d feared.

 

“Hi Catie.” Angelica smiled, trying not to cry. “It’s me, your mommy.”

 

Eliza smiled at Catie, trying to help her out. “Do you remember Mommy?”

 

Catie looked frightened and shook her head, climbing into Eliza’s lap. She put her arms around her waist and hugged her.

 

“Catharine,” Eliza continued. “What’s wrong?”

  
“No.” she mumbled. “No.”

 

“Oh my god, does she not know me!?” Angelica gasped, bursting into tears. She ran out of the room into her bedroom and slid under the covers, crying. “I can’t believe she hates me.”

 

John followed her after hugging Philip and putting him back down on the floor. 

“Angie? Listen, Catie’s just a baby. You know she isn’t even going to remember this morning. It’s not you. She’ll know you eventually.”

 

“I know.” she sobbed. “But it hurts so much. And she makes me so mad! Why doesn’t she know me?”

 

John frowned, knowing he just explained that to her but she wasn’t going to get it. He knew it did hurt, even though Catharine barely remembered anything at her age. “I’m sorry. Why don’t you come out and play with her so she’ll start thinking of you again?”

  
“I hate playing with her.” Angelica complained. “She’s so annoying.”

 

“Angelica.” John sighed. “She’s your baby. Don’t say that about her.”

He knew she was confused and depressed, but it still hurt to hear her say something like that about their daughter. 

 

“It’s not my fault!” Angelica whined. “Someone put that in my head!”

 

“I know. But can you try to tell those thoughts to go away when you get them?” John said, kneeling down at the edge of the bed next to her. “Please?”

 

“Okay.” she sighed. John smiled at her and kissed her on the head. 

 

“Come on, we’ve all missed you and we want to see you. Just come eat lunch with the kids please.”

 

“Fine.” Angelica grumbled, reluctantly getting out of bed. She really just wanted to stay in there forever, but she knew she couldn’t or Catharine would never remember her. Angelica walked out to the living room and sat on the couch. She picked up Catharine off Eliza’s lap and held her. “Hi baby.” she smiled.

 

Catharine started crying. Angelica stared at John, starting to shake. John quickly swooped in and picked up the baby from her, coddling her in his arms. 

 

“Why is she crying?” Angelica frowned. “Poor baby. Is she hungry?”

 

“Are you hungry, Catie?” John asked. She nodded. “Okay, honey. I’ll make some lunch, alright? Philip, do you want some lunch too?”

 

“Yes Daddy.” Philip said. He went into his room for a minute and emerged with a dinosaur shaped toy. “Mommy play.” he giggled, showing her the toy.

 

“Where’d you get that!?” Angelica smiled. “Is that a new one?”

 

“Ya. Daddy gave it to me.” he laughed. “Play.”

 

“Okay.” Angelica laughed. She took it from him and they started playing with it together until John finished making everyone’s sandwiches for lunch. He brought them to the table on the plastic Disney plates the kids liked. “Thanks John.”

 

John looked confused. Angelica did not normally use his name like that. “You’re welcome, love.” 

 

After lunch, Angelica and the kids sat on the couch together. Eliza left to go back to her own house, but first reassured Angelica that everything would be fine. Angelica picked up the TV remote and turned on the kids channel. She started to shake again and realized she felt really sick, but she pushed through it because she wanted to spend time with the babies. John, of course, noticed she was shaking because he was holding her hand. 

 

“Are you alright, Angie?” he asked.

 

“Yeah.” she smiled. “I’m perfect. Um, excuse me one minute. Be right back, honey.” she said to Philip and kissed him on the head. 

 

“Pease come back.” Philip said. He didn’t want her to leave ever again. 

 

“I’m just going to potty, honey.” Angelica said. When she returned, Philip gasped and smiled, obviously ecstatic that she came back. 

 

John gave her a look.  _ Are you okay? _

 

Angelica looked back at him.  _ I puked. _ Well, she probably didn’t communicate that very well with just a look, she realized, so she whispered it to him instead. 

 

“Ew.” John said. Angelica just shrugged and picked up Philip to sit on her lap. She gave him a hug and held him while they watched the kids shows that were playing for the hour, first a few episodes of Peppa Pig and then Paw Patrol. John played with Catharine with her stuffed Peppa Pig toy, one of her favorite ones. She giggled and clapped her tiny hands. Angelica thought she was cute, but she still didn’t want to touch her. She felt like if she touched her, she’d be in danger somehow. And Catharine would just cry if Angelica tried to pick her up anyway, she figured. By the end of the night, they were sitting closer together on the couch, so John could see some progress was being made. 

 

When Angelica got into bed next to John, she giggled and poked his arm. 

“Sexy time.”

 

John laughed. “You’re very cute.”

 

“I’m not trying to be cute. I haven’t had sex in so long.” Angelica groaned.

 

“Yeah. Me too.” he smiled. “I’ve missed you.”

 

“I missed you too.” Angelica grinned. She leaned forward and kissed John, hard. 

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk-”

 

“We’ll talk after!” Angelica sighed loudly, then grabbed him again. John just laughed and put his hands on her.

* * *

 

When Angelica woke up, John was still asleep, which meant it wasn’t 5:00 yet. She got up to use the bathroom, then came back to try to get some more sleep. While she was trying, John’s alarm went off which hurt her ears being that it was louder than necessary. He woke up and immediately turned it off, as he always did, then looked over at Angelica. 

 

“Hey,” he said quietly, still waking up. “You’re up early.”

 

“They made me get up this early every day at the hospital.” Angelica said. How did John not realize that. Now she couldn’t sleep a whole night anymore? This place had ruined her.

 

“Oh.” he said. John maneuvered his arm around her and she relaxed on him. “You want me to stay home with you today?”

 

“Yes.” she sniffed. She didn’t want to be alone.

 

“Okay good, because I was going to do it either way.” he smiled. He wrapped his arms around her tighter and hugged her. “I’m so glad you’re safe. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 

“Was it hard.” Angelica frowned. “When I was gone.”

 

“It was difficult.” John said, “But we got through it, didn’t we? And now you’re safe.” 

 

“Safe.” she repeated. What was safe, anyway? When she was with John? When she safe when was home? Was she safe at the center? Was she safe when she went out? Was she safe when she was alone? “Yeah.” she decided.

 

“What do you want to do today?” John asked. “Take the kids out?”

 

“I guess.” she said, “I know Philip missed me a lot. I need to make that up to him.”

 

“He asked about you every day.” John said.

 

“I feel so bad that I left him.” she sniffled. “I’m such a bad mom.”

 

“No, you’re not. Don’t start with that.” John told her. He understood what she meant but he wasn’t going to let her say anything bad about herself. He did not allow that. He couldn’t. 

 

“But,”

 

“No.” John asserted, “I won’t hear that. You’re not going to say anything bad about yourself.”

 

“Fine.” she grumbled. “Let’s just watch TV or something before the kids wake up.”

 

John yawned. “I was going to take a shower.”

 

“Hm.” Angelica said quietly. “Maybe I should come too.”

 

“You should.” he said quickly. 

 

“Well.” Angelica laughed, “Someone’s excited.”

* * *

 

During the day, Angelica took Philp out to the playground even though it was cold. She was so worried that he would get cold so she made sure to dress him up in the warmest clothes he had. She wished she could take Catharine out as well but she couldn’t control both of the children at once and John was fine with taking care of Catharine alone. Since she was younger, they decided she should stay inside rather than go outside where she could get cold and sick. Catharine started crying when Angelica took her brother out but she was told she couldn’t go with him. 

“Don’t worry, honey.” John told her. “Mummy and Phil will be back soon. We’ll have fun here until they get back.”

 

“Hmm!” Catharine grunted angrily. She folded her arms, wrinkling her pink sweater. 

 

“Do you miss Mummy?” John asked her. She nodded. “She’ll be back, Catie.” John said. He picked her up and sat her on the couch next to him. Meanwhile Angelica and Philp were walking outside, down the sidewalk from their apartment to the playground in Central Park. Angelica leaned down and held his hand so they could get across the street, picking him up completely when a rude motorist decided to honk his horn at them. 

 

“SHUT UP!” Angelica yelled at him as he drove away. “Sorry about that, Phil.”

 

Philip giggled. “Beep beep. Broom.”

 

“It’s not funny.” Angelica assured him. “People can be so mean. But don’t let them bother you.”

  
“Okay Mommy.” he giggled again. When they’d finally gotten to the playground, Angelica walked with Philip to the baby swings to push him. They stayed there for a while and Angelica talked with some of the other mothers at the playground while their kids played together. Angelica felt so happy that she almost cried when one of the women complimented her hair and makeup. She felt so valid again after feeling like she’d lost herself for so long. 

 

“How do you keep your hair so perfect!?” One of the women gasped. 

 

“And that outfit. Just so fashionable.” the other one complimented her.

 

Angelica looked down at her outfit. Maybe she’d gone overboard with getting dressed on her first day back, just for the playground. She was wearing a skintight black jumpsuit, shiny black heeled boots, and her favorite light brown mink coat. Her hair was done carefully with her headband placed perfectly to not disturb her curls. The only jewelry she had on were her wedding rings and her favorite necklace. Even if she was just at the playground, she was able to look nice and it made her feel good. It was a pride in herself she hadn’t felt since she had gone to the center. After a while, Philip said he was hungry so Angelica decided to bring him home for lunch. 

Back at the house, John was getting lunch together for Catharine and himself. Angelica texted him that she was coming back. 

 

“Here you go, sweetie.” John smiled. He put down Catharine’s plate of grilled cheese and a sippy cup of juice on her high chair tray. 

 

“Down.” she complained.

 

“No, you have to eat first.” John told her. His iphone beeped on the table behind him and he turned around to see what news there was. Angelica came inside with Philip. 

 

“Hi Daddy.” Angelica smiled. She took off her shoes and started to help Philip out of his puffy coat. 

 

“Hi Daddy.” Philip repeated.

 

“Do you want some lunch?” John asked. They both said yes. After Philip was situated in his high chair with his own sandwich, Angelica and John sat back at the table and talked.

 

“You’ll never guess what news I just got.” John said excitedly. Of course Angelica could guess what news he just got. John was obsessed with gambling. It was his one major fault. Once, they went to Vegas and he lost her pink diamond earrings in a game. She was really upset until he appeared with a new Cartier box.

 

“Let me guess.” Angelica smirked, trying to appear unimpressed, “You bet money on a horse and it won.”

 

“Oh my god, you know me so well!” he laughed. “It was only five thousand though. But that’s okay because I still won.”

 

Angelica smiled. “When it’s spring, are we going to go to some races?”

 

“Sure. I think Catie is old enough to bring now, right?”

 

Angelica sighed. She took a bite of her sandwich then spoke which wasn’t very dignified but it didn’t matter, “You’re gonna teach her how to gamble before she can even spell horse.”

 

“No,” John said in his defense, “I’m going to teach her how to win.”

 

“Down!!” Catharine complained again, louder this time. She slammed her hands on the tray of her highchair, making her plastic plate clatter to the floor. Angelica jumped at the noise.

 

“Catharine.” John said disapprovingly. He stood up and walked over to her highchair. “Don’t hit the table, alright?”

 

Catharine nodded. She reached her arms up towards John. “Down.”

 

“Alright, you can come sit with me and mummy.” John smiled at her. He picked her up from the highchair and gave her a hug, carrying her over to sit by Angelica. 

 

“Hi baby.” Angelica smiled. Catharine giggled and reached her hands out towards Angelica’s hair, pulling at it. “No, no.” Angelica took this minute to really look at Catharine, for the first time since she had come home. Catharine was getting bigger, even though she was still only a year old. Her nose was flat at the end, just like Angelica’s was. Her brown eyes were just like John’s. Her lips were like Angelica’s. She looked just like a little Angelica, she realized. 

“She looks like me but tiny.” Angelica breathed.

 

“Yes, isn’t she cute?” John smiled. He kissed Catharine’s forehead, “Just like mummy.” 

 

“Mummy.” Catharine babbled. She waved her arms towards Angelica. “Aaaag,”

 

“Do you want mummy to hold you?” John asked Catharine. “Here, why don’t you take her and I’ll get Philip down.”

 

“Oh.” Angelica whispered. “Okay.” She held out her arms and took Catharine. She was cute, Angelica decided, suddenly wanting to cry as everything hit her at once. She squeezed Catharine. “I love you, cutie.” 

 

“Maaa,” she giggled. 

The weeks went by quickly. Angelica was doing better. They fell back into their old routine. John started going back to work. Angelica was able to be alone with the kids without crying. Soon it was February and Angelica’s birthday was coming up again. 

 

“I can’t believe it.” Angelica mumbled, leaning against John in their bed. They had been relaxing and watching the morning news on TV. “I’m going to be 33 soon. I’m getting older every year!”

 

“That tends to happen.” John laughed. 

 

“Yeah, I know.” she frowned, “But that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.” 

 

“Why shouldn’t you be?” he asked. John didn’t understand the obsession with not wanting to get older, especially because he was nine years older than Angelica already. He kissed Angelica’s forehead. “Just think, you’ve lived for thirty three years. That’s an accomplishment.”

 

“I guess when you put it that way.” she smiled a little, “I thought I was gonna die but I’m still here.” 

 

“And I’m proud of you.” John said. “Angelica.”

 

“Hm?” she mumbled. 

 

John smiled at her. “You’re really pretty.”

 

“Aww,” she giggled. “I know.”

 

He touched her hair gently, then moved his hand to her shoulder. “Do you think I’m cute?”

 

Angelica laughed. “Yeah. I think you’re so cute. You’re my favorite person, like ever.”

 

“You’re my best friend, you know.” John said. 

 

“That’s really cute but Charles is your best friend.” Angelica smirked. “I’m your wife.”

 

“Yeah, well, you’re my best friend and wife.” he laughed. 

 

“Oh.” she laughed. “Um, John?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I’m sorry I always tell you I want to die. It must be hard for you to hear that.”

 

“Hey,” John frowned. He hugged Angelica tightly, like he was scared she would run away. “It’s hard, yes, but it’s not your fault.” 

 

“Thank you for being so understanding.” she breathed. “My arm hurts.”

 

“I’m sorry.” he said. John kissed her nose and then her lips. “Did I make it better?”

 

“No.” she frowned. Her arm still hurt a lot actually. What if she had a terrible infection and she was dying now, just after she’d decided she wanted to live? “I think I’m dying.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Like what if I have a terrible infection in my arm and now I’m going to die.” she sniffled. “I don’t really want to die.”

 

“I know you don’t.” John said. “I promise you’re not going to die. I’m sure it’s just sore.”

 

“But the nurse who did my bandages was so inexperienced! What if he didn’t wash his hands before and now I have some terrible disease!!” Angelica gasped. She couldn’t believe that place would hurt her like this. 

 

“Oh sweetie,” John said. He held her while she was crying, obviously she was freaking out over this because she really thought she was going to die now. “Do you want me to take you to hospital so you can have it looked at?”

 

“No! I don’t want anyone to see it!” she sobbed. “I’m so embarrassed, I’d rather die with an infection than let anyone else look at me!” 

 

“Angie, please don’t say that. You don’t have anything to be embarrassed of.” John assured her. “The nurses at hospital won’t even know you. They won’t think anything badly about you.” 

  
Angelica heard what he said but didn’t respond. How could she? She didn’t know what she thought. She didn’t know if she had a real infection or if her arm was just hurting. Still it probably wouldn’t hurt to get it looked at. “Maybe I can call them back and tell them.” 

 

“Call the center back?” John clarified? Angelica nodded. “That might be a good idea, since they already know who you are.”

 

“I wonder how they are.” Angelica said. She did. She had been thinking about Danny since she came back. Was she going to be alright? She wanted to know that Danny was going to be okay. She was up late the night before thinking about her, about her crying in support group and about how much Angelica hoped for her recovery because if she recovered it meant Angelica could recover. 

 

She shifted her position in the bed and turned her face away from John because she didn’t want him to try to talk to her anymore. He just sighed and held onto her hand, trying to silently communicate that he was there for her and he loved her. 

“I love you.” Angelica mumbled. 

 

“Love you too.” John said. “I’m gonna go make some tea. Would you like a cup?”

 

Angelica smiled at him, “You’re so British, John.”

 

“First of all, Angie, tea is very good for you. Secondly, I know it’s going to make you feel better because it’s how I solve all my problems.” John smiled. “Now come on, get out of bed. It’s almost 9:00.”

 

“Well I’m sleepy.” she protested.

 

“I’m not letting you sleep all day.” John said. “Get up. Here,” he went to the chair next to her vanity and picked up her fuzzy bathrobe to give to her. “Put this on. I’m going to make you tea and breakfast. Then I’m going to give you some money so you can buy shoes.”

 

Angelica glared at him. “Stop taking care of me so hard.”

 

“No, and I’m going to do it even harder if you don’t get up.” he said. “Now.”

 

She breathed deeply. “Fine.” Angelica angrily threw her covers on the ground while glaring at John and got out of bed. 

 

“Are you going to pick that up?”

 

“I’m not your maid.” Angelica grumbled. “I want breakfast.”

 

John laughed. “I’ll make you eggs, alright?”

 

“I’m going to go get Philip for breakfast so make his waffles.” Angelica told him. Maybe today would be better. After all, the sun rose today.


End file.
